Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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