my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
