Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
As shirtless as possible
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
