2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
