My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
