In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
