just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
