she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
