guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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