yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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