drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
