Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
