Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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