apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
