she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
