Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize
