Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
