Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
