I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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