We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
