hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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