I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
