It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
