You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
