I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
