K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
3pm strippers are depressing
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
