community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
