WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
When are your genitals available?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
