and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
