I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you win again, gameday.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
