hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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