maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
