So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
