And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
