I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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