sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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