Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You're like the curious george of whores
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
