if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
