We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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