Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
