her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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