Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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