Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
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