In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
