I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
