just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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