why didn't you poke me back
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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