Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
