Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This toilet bowl is my home.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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