but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
