The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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