This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
