The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
