i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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