I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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