I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Actions speak louder than pants.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
