Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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