can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
