Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
