I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
