Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
