There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
