If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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