His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
