Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
