Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
