they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
