Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
