Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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