Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
