I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i've created a new STD.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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