No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize