I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
