hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize