You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize