i just wanna soil my oats bro
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
