dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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