My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
