i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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