I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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