I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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