you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize