i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
