i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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