the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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