we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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