bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
