I love black thongs
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
