I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize