I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
