if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
