I am puke
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
...so i touched it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
