i jhust puked up my retainher.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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