i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
