That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
