Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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