so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
