dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
