I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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