I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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