Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
