I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
