I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize