yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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