At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
