You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
