I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
