I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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