my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
