I accidentally burped into my bong.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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